What Women Want Most from Their Husbands
What a girl wants is the easiest, least expensive gift a guy rarely thinks to give. It’s not from the jewelry store or the luxury car dealer. It doesn’t involve lingerie or even designer shoes.
And no, it’s not about chocolate, truffles or cheesecake. What do women want most and get least from their husbands: TIME. Sounds simple, right? But the truth is, our lives get so crowded with work, commuting, children and home maintenance, there are barely enough hours in the day to get everything done.
As the children get older they have activities that keep the parents in a state of perpetual taxi service. Before long, most of the conversations between the couple are about practical things, more like a daily schedule conference than communication between spouses.
It’s understandable that guys want some time for their interests to go fishing or watch football for hours. So he hands her the credit card and says, “Have fun shopping” hoping the mall stays open long enough for the last game to finish. Having done that, he thinks he’s met her needs. Sure, she’s enjoying the shopping but that’s no substitute for what she really wants from him, his attention.
A woman wants to be the focus of her man’s interest, the way she was when they first met. She knows it can’t be that way every day for hours on end now that they have other responsibilities.
But she wonders why it can’t be that way for at least a weekly date night or a long weekend together? She would like to be out in the car together and talk or hold hands without him fiddling with the radio buttons to catch the news.
Chances are he has absolutely no idea why the time he spends fixing the kitchen faucet or taking her car for an oil change isn’t seen as quality time. So she has to explain it. Explain, not whine, gripe or complain.
Just saying she wants time is too confusing for most men to grasp. Instead, give a specific use for that time like going to a movie or taking a walk in the park. Waiting for him to use his imagination to guess what she means by “spending time with me” is likely to miss her expectations. So be specific – he’ll appreciate knowing exactly what to do to please you.
One way to make the gift of time more enjoyable is to make it mutually exciting. Spending time together becomes something to look forward to, instead of something for the to-do list, when there’s a treat for both spouses as part of that time together.
What Men Need from Their Wives
Men are biologically programmed to be hunters. They identify what they want and they go after it, no matter how difficult the pursuit. Maybe he went through a lot to attract her attention.
Successful hunters are winners – they target and win the prey. While today’s guy is more likely to run to the deli for sandwiches before the game than to hunt down a wild boar for sandwich meat, there’s still the primitive need to win.
That’s what men need from their wives, they need to win. Do they need to win every argument? Not necessarily. And men don’t need to always be right, but they do need to feel like winners.
If a wife expresses confidence and trust in her husband, he feels like a winner. If she puts him down, he feels like a loser. He can say it doesn’t matter what she says, but it really does matter to him a lot.
Men also need space. Early in a relationship, that can seem like he’s pulling away, but he’s just being a guy. She can cuddle for hours on a chilly afternoon, but he wants to spend a few hours in smelly overalls out fishing with friends.
So let him have his time for hobbies, sports or hanging out with the guys. You can bet he’ll brag about you to his friends whose wives may not be as smart as you are about what a man needs.
Your man also needs for you to be his friend as well as his lover. He wants to think that he can talk to you about anything without being criticized or judged. If you built a great friendship before marriage, he desperately doesn’t want to lose your friendship.
You have interests in common on which your friendship was based, so never let those things go after the wedding. Women think that all men want is sex, and that’s certainly high on their priority list.
It’s not that he requires you to look like a supermodel when you’re with him. How beautiful you are isn’t the point. The thing that will please your husband is that you took the time and made the effort to look good for him.
Too often, husbands and wives get into a way of thinking that says, “I’ll give him what he wants after he starts giving me what I want.” The relationship comes to a standstill. Make the effort to give your spouse what he needs and then you’ll find that your needs are being met in return.